“Sudden Service” was a concept that Les Schwab used in his tire stores… one of their service people should run out to your car to help you when you pulled in.  At my local store, all they can muster is a slow meander, and it’s never even close to being in my general direction.  The cast of  “The Night of the Living Dead” could kick their collective ass in a foot race.

Wooed by promises of great service and great product, I’ve been coming to your store and emptying my wallet for several years now.  Today I had a slow leak in one of those tires you sold me.  “Sudden Service” happened when I went inside, and stood around the counter until you “suddenly” came over to talk to me after a few minutes.  “We’ll fix your flat, be about an hour.”

70 minutes later, and my car hasn’t moved from where I left it in the lot.  “Excuse me, but we’ve passed the golden 60 minute mark, and my car hasn’t moved.”  “Well, that’s why we say “about an hour”.

Soon after, the car indeed moves into the garage, followed by “John? I can fix the back tire, but those front tires we sold you not too long ago are shot, you really should get some new ones… we can do that for you right now…”

“No thanks.”

“But it will take the same amount of time.”  Uh huh.  You expect me to believe that you can mount and balance a new set of tires in the same time-space continuum as the repair of my slow leak in the rear.  Tempting, but then I’d be stuck with

• Two more tires of inferior quality, and
• Another promise of “Sudden Service” when the dang things get a puncture.

Terri comments: “Boy, they are really busy today.”  John replies “They are always this busy, sort of.  It’s like this every time I come… any day of the week, any time of the day.”  My theory is that they deliberately understaff.  They keep the level of customer-no-service low enough that they can keep you waiting for 1-2 hours eating stale popcorn and watching the endless repeating news loop that is Northwest Cable News, but high enough that you don’t leap across the counter and stick a tire pressure gauge up someone’s nose to get their attention.  Those bags of “Quick Fit” tire chains could come in handy if a customer decided to throw a fit, quick, and whop you upside the head with them.

For one reason or another, I’ve made this little pilgrimage to Les Schwab’s house of pain 5 times in the last 18 months.  I’ve never gotten out in less that 90 minutes, and the record was about 3 hours.  Today was the speed record, at 90 minutes.  No more.